


It hurts to love you

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 14:43:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5501276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One shot where Harry bakes Louis a birthday cake but Louis can't make it home</p>
            </blockquote>





	It hurts to love you

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing anything and I'm not really a writer but people wanted me to make this one shot. 
> 
> two things  
> 1\. I'm sorry if it sucks, there was way too much pressure to make this good  
> 2\. I'm sorry for any typos, mistakes etc...

H A R R Y 

The smell of warm chocolate and sweet frosting fills the air. Soft music plays from the living room as Harry hurries around the kitchen in hopes of finishing Louis' birthday dinner in time. This is the first time in years that they will be spending Christmas and more importantly Louis' birthday together and everything has to be perfect. 

 

_"Chicago is a long ways away" Harry looks down at his twiddled thumbs. He hasn't spoken a word since louis told him about Danielle, "When will you be back" his voice soft and frail._

_"I don't fucking know Harry" Louis snaps in frustration. Not frustration towards Harry. Never Harry but frustration towards this stupid plan._

_Harry flinches and cowers away slightly. Not daring to look at Louis. Not daring to look anywhere._

_Louis sighs as tries to swallow his guilt. He grabs Harry's arm and pulls him down onto his lap, "I'll be back before you know it. This will be good for us. Danielle is a friend. She's going to help us baby" Louis promises. There's nothing but silence "I'll be back by Christmas" He feels Harry stiffen. He hasn't spent a proper Christmas with his boy in so long._

_"Promise?" Harry sits up to look at him properly_

_"Promise."_

Everything is going to be perfect. Harry can feel it in the way the snowflakes fall in their soft shapes, he can feel it the way the fire in the fireplace flickers but never burns out and in the way his tummy flutters when he pictures louis walking through the door, snow sprinkled in his soft fringe. 

 

Harry leans against the counter and fiddles with the pearl necklace louis got for him before returning his attention to the chocolate cake cooling on the counter. 

 

Louis' plane was supposed to land a little less than an hour ago so he should be on his way, if not nearly home.

 

L O U I S

 

"What do you mean I can't go home?"  Louis looks at Danielle as if she'd know anymore than him. He can see the confusion in her eyes.

 

"You said all we had to do was go on a few dates..be spotted together some" She states 

 

"The fans don't believe it" Their management team says

 

"They're not gonna believe it regardless of how much time we spend together" Louis rolls his eyes 

 

"Look it's only going to be a few more days.."

 

"A few days? I was supposed to be a on plane heading home already" He tugs at his hair, "I'm supposed to be spending Christmas with my family"  _With Harry_  louis thinks 

 

"There's always next year but for now you'll both attend a small birthday bash we've organized. Of course Danielle the party is going to be your idea"

 

_"Are you really gonna spend your birthday with me?" Harry asks_

  
_"Yes"_ The words, the promise echoes in Louis' brain.

 

"No no I have to be home . I have to!" The desperation in louis' voice is evident

 

"Louis.." Danielle reaches over to calm him but he flinches away and looks at her with pure sadness 

 

"I'm supposed to be with him" Louis' voice cracks. All he's done is let Harry down. All he ever does is hurt him.

 

He feels a heavy weight set in the ridges of his ribcage, crushing every bone, cracking it. He broke his Christmas promise...

 

 

H A R R Y 

 

Harry scans the dinner table once more, scanning to see if anything is missing. He's slaved over a hot stove all day making Louis' favorite foods, his favorite cake. All that's left is for Louis to come home, which should be any minute. 

 

Harry quickly checks his phone for any calls or texts from Louis but there's nothing. Harry can feel a tinge of unease settle in but he shuts it down before it grows. No he trusts Louis. He trusts him and he knows he wouldn't break his promise. 

 

Harry sits down at the dinner table and waits for the sound of a car pulling in...but nothing. He waits and waits and waits and nothing. 

 

"Where is he?" Harry chews on his lips and looks down at his phone it's been over an hour since louis was supposed to be home. He tries to call Louis but the call fails so he waits. He waits until the final candle at the dinner table has burned , he waits until all the food is so cold it's no longer edible, he waits until the snow has finally stopped falling. He waits all night. And nothing. Louis hasn't even bothered to call. 

 

Harry's finger hovers over the phone icon but instead it goes straight to Twitter. He opens it and immediately his timeline tells him exactly where louis is. He's with Danielle. In Chicago. 

 

There's a crack forming in Harry's heart. Every seam is slowly and painfully being pulled out with every picture and tweet he encounters of Louis and Danielle. Louis and Danielle sharing frozen yogurt, Louis and Danielle at a bar, Louis holding Danielle, Louis smiling at Danielle the same way he smiles at Harry. 

 

Harry studies the picture despite the tugging he feels telling him otherwise. Louis is looking at Danielle, his eyes so bright and so lively, nothing like what Harry's seen before. His smile is wide and so so fond. Louis has an arm around Danielle's waist while his other hand is holding her's. This picture is everything Harry has ever wanted with Louis. Holding hands in public, standing so impossibly close to each other you can feel one another's heartbeats, the freedom. It's all right there but it's not for him. It's for Louis and Danielle. 

 

"Louis celebrates 24th birthday with new Girlfriend" Harry reads out loud as he comes up on an article. He clicks on it and it's all he can do not to completely shatter because there laid before him is a picture of Louis kissing Danielle, frosting all over his face and smudging onto hers. 

 

Harry stands from the table feeling completely drained. He quickly throws all the food he spent hours in the trash feeling his embarrassment grow. He spent all day worrying about everything being perfect only for Louis to ditch him to be with Danielle. 

 

Harry shuts off his phone unable to look at the damn thing anymore before grabbing the cake he worked so hard on and throwing it away. He stumbles upon a picture of him and louis from the last time they spent Christmas together and quietly whispers "Happy Birthday Lou" before heading upstairs to sleep. 

 

L O U I S

 

It's been two days. Two days since his birthday. Two days since he told Harry he would be coming home and never did. Louis' tried so many times to grab a hold of Harry but the calls went straight to voicemail, the texts went unread. He even checked update accounts just to get a small glimpse of his baby but they're all saying Harry is MIA. 

 

"Have you gotten a hold of him?" Danielle asks, the guilt clear in her voice. Louis doesn't blame Danielle for anything. He knows all she wanted to do was help them. He only blames himself. 

 

"No" Louis sighs and looks up at her from his position on on the bed , "I've called Liam, Niall, his sister, his mom, his stepdad. I even tried Des but no one has gotten in contact with him" or they're all lying for Harry's sake.

 

"Louis I'm so sorry" Danielle sinks down to her knees and captures Louis' hands in her own

 

"It's not your fault. I made a promise I couldn't keep. I hurt him...I always do" Louis let's his head hang in shame 

 

"You should go look for him" Danielle whispers. Louis freezes and looks at her. Her warm eyes hold nothing but kindness and understanding, "You should be with him, not here" 

 

"But what about the PR.."

 

"Louis" Danielle sighs, "My job was to help distract everyone from Briana and I did. Your job is to be home with the man you love and it's about time you go do it" 

 

\--

 

Louis arrives at his and Harry's flat after what felt like years of flying. He's tired, he has jet lag and he's in need of a bathroom but none of that matters. All that matters is that he's home. 

 

Upon entering their flat louis finds it silent. He could drop a pin and still hear it hit the wooden floor

 

"Harry?" Louis walks through the spotless living room and into the kitchen. The kitchen is clean and looks untouched. There's candles on the table but the wick has been burned down to nearly nothing. 

 

Louis walks over to the window by the sink but something in the trash catches his eyes. His birthday cake. 

 

He sets his phone down on the counter and sighs. The cake landed upside down on top of all the food, completely destroying the decorations and the HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOUIS spelled out with icing but Louis doesn't need to see all that to know what the cake is for.

 

Louis scrambles up the stairs to his and Harry's bedroom and finds it empty. The bed is made, the sheets wrinkle free. The entire flat resembles a museum, everything clean and untouched. 

 

A small piece of paper laying on the pillows catches Louis' eye. He walks over to it and picks it up. Scrawled across the paper in Harry's handwriting are the words  _I waited but you never came_  


 

H A R R Y 

 

"Harry baby.." Anne's voice sounds through the door, "Baby please come out. You've been in there for days, you must be hungry" The worry is evident in her voice, it breaks Harry further but he doesn't so much as move a muscle for fear that he might completely break every bone in his body. 

 

After he found out about Louis he came went back to Holmes chapel hoping to just forget it all but instead he's spent days looking at photographs of Louis and Danielle, reading countless tweets about how adorable they look. Everyone is asking about him but he doesn't have any energy to make himself known.

 

"Harry please open the door. I need to see you love. I-I need to know if you're okay" Anne sighs, laying her head against the door. She knows what's happening even if Harry hasn't told her. It's impossible to miss the news of Louis' new fling when it's the talk of the world but even then a mother knows when her child is hurting and right now her little boy is hurting. 

 

Harry remains mute, starring the roaring winter outside the window of his mother's home, a blanket hiding his body from the world.

 

"Harry for god sakes open this door" Anne looses her patience. She's been asking nicely for hours. She was determined to make Harry come out one way or another. 

 

Harry blinks. That's all he does, he blinks then closes his eyes and falls asleep, silent tears hitting his pillow.

 

***

When Harry wakes up again it's silent. The sun has disappeared and the moon has taken its place. The smell of sweet vanilla and sugar engulfs him. He looks over to his desk and sees a candle lit, the only source of light other than moon itself. He sees his phone on the bedside table and goes to reach for it but he's held back by something..someone actually. 

 

Harry looks down to see arms wrapped around his mid waist pulling him impossibly close to a small, warm body. 

 

"Louis?" Harry croaks quietly.

 

Louis nuzzles into Harry's soft curls, purring. The moment is bittersweet, "'m here baby" Louis rasps

 

"Why" Harry asks in confusion. How did louis get in is another question but why is the most important one to him right now.

 

Louis' fully awake now. He sits up as Harry lays on his back. Louis' heart breaks when he sees Harry's puffy red eyes, now devoid of all emotion but one. Sadness. His cheeks are slightly hollowed from not eating the last few days and his nose is red and irritated from all the tissues he's rubbed against it.

 

"Oh Harry" Louis strokes Harry's pale cheek. The feeling of Harry's soft, milky skin against his rough touch is nearly euphoric. 

 

Harry doesn't flinch away nor does he lean in. He stays still because Louis is right here and he's stroking his cheek and it's too much for his frail heart. 

 

"Merry Christmas baby" Louis whispers as if Harry was a new born kitten. Scared that if he speaks too loudly, Harry will run. 

 

"Christmas is over." Is all Harry says. There's no hostility, no anger, no hatred, no emotion. 

 

Louis' heart stings. He knows Harry knows the reason he didn't come home. Everyone knows. 

 

"I know but I'm here now and I'm.."

 

"I made you a cake" Harry cuts him off. He hears the tear in his voice and Louis does too but he continues, "It's was chocolate with a cream cheese filling in the middle. I made the cream cheese from scratch you know..spent all day making that cake. I made you a dinner too, worked all day on that as well. I even cut my finger while I chopping vegetables and then I burned my wrist when when I took the cake out of the oven" Harry holds up his hands for louis to see his injuries 

 

Louis' heart aches and he wants to kiss away all of Harry's pain away because he doesn't deserve this. 

 

"But I threw it all of it away. The food got cold and the cake...just seemed pointless if there wasn't anyone to blow out the candles"  

 

"Harry I.."

 

"I waited all night for you Louis" Harry's voice comes alive with anger and embarrassment, "I sat there like a fool waiting for you walk through that damn door but you never did" His voice falls numb again 

 

"I know I made you a promise"

 

"You really need to stop making promises that you can't keep" Harry sighs, sitting up, "It's becoming a proper burden when you don't keep them" 

 

"I was going to come home but" Louis takes a deep breath and swallows, "look just let me explain everything"

 

"I never said you couldn't. It's not like I'm going to stop you from doing it, I mean the least you can do is muster up another excuse for another broken promise" Harry sits at the edge of bed and pulls his hair up into a bun

 

Louis furrows his eyebrows. Harry's response is the last thing he was expecting it to be. Harry has always been so timid with Louis, so soft and gentle and understanding. 

 

"All I ask is that you don't waste my time louis" Harry stands from the bed and walks over to his phone hoping to look uninterested and cold instead of showing the ache and pain he's feeling. 

 

"I..yeah..of course" Louis' confidence falters and all he wants is to lay Harry back down and hold him, "I was on my way to the airport to come home then Danielle called me and said there was an emergency meeting about..well..."

 

"You two?" Harry raises an eyebrow 

 

"Yes" Louis continues, "I wanted to come home but Danielle's team told us we needed to play this all out a few more days. I told them I needed to be here with you but I couldn't leave. I tried, I really did"

 

"Guess you did try hard enough" Harry murmurs and continues to scroll through old emails 

 

"I just said I did try Harry" Louis tries to keep his patience but Harry's cold demeanor is new to him and louis doesn't have patience for new things. 

 

"I said you didn't try hard enough louis" Harry raises his voice, "You keep making a fool out of me and I just sit here and let you!" He's shouting now.

 

"What am I supposed to do Harry?" He gets off the bed, "I'm trying fix this. Fix us. I took on all this bullshit for!"

 

"I didn't ask you too!" Harry shouts

 

Louis walks to towards Harry but stops because he's on a tight rope. Harry is mad at him and Louis can't blame him but that doesn't mean he's not scared. He's let Harry down to many times and he's begged for a second chance too many times. Harry's changed so much but he's aged even more in the last five years and Louis can't help but blame himself for this. He's caused so much damage to Harry and yet Harry continues to let Louis in, even if he doesn't deserve it. Harry is too good for Louis but louis is too selfish to let go.

 

"I keep fucking up.." He starts, "But no matter how many times I mess up Im going to come back to you and beg you to let my try again. Doesn't matter if I have to beg everyday for the rest of my life because I'd rather beg every second I'm living than move on from you"

 

Tears pool in Harry's eyes as he desperately clings to his anger but he can never stay angry at louis. That's something he'll always hate about himself. 

 

"I'd rather have you here in front of me, yelling at me and telling me to fuck off than to have you far away and silent. My job is to be here with you and I haven't been doing it but I need you to trust me and I know it's not fair to ask that of you but I need you to love me and trust me and help me and just fucking love me no matter how many times I mess up and right now I don't know what I'm saying or what my point is and that's okay because the bottom line of all of this is that I love you" he breathes, "I love you and no baby, no PR stunt is going to change that. I want to hold your hand in public and kiss you in front of everyone and sing you love songs and telling everyone that you are mine but more than anything I want you to love me back..even if it's only temporary"

 

Harry's mind falls blank with words. Everything louis said is everything Harry needed to hear, even if he didn't know that what he needed. He stays quiet, his lips falling open then closing and opening and so on but words never fall. 

 

Louis' fingers tilt Harry's chin up, forcing Harry to look at him while one hand lays on his soft hip. 

 

"What if this doesn't work?" Harry asks. His green eyes search Louis' for something. What exactly? He doesn't know, "What if we have to hide forever? I can't keep doing this. I'm growing so tired and so so lonely without you. It hurts too much to see you out there without me. It hurts reading that you're going to have a baby even if it's not real. It hurts seeing you kiss her openly. It hurts to love you so much" A single tear falls but Louis catches it 

 

"I know" Louis presses his forehead to Harry's, "I know I should let you go" He feels Harry flinch at his words, "But I can't" Louis whispers, starring at Harry's soft rose petal lips

 

"Okay" Harry whispers back and let's Louis tug him back down onto the bed.


End file.
